Why I Would Never Make A Comic Book Movie

There are a couple reasons, most having to do with Superman.

Everybody knows I’m a comics fan, but as a rule, I don’t read the DC books. Sure, I’ll grab a Batman book once in a while if the cover catches my eye, but that’s it. The other books always seem too serious and often too goofy at the same time.
I grew up with the Superfriends show and the Superman movies. There was the right tone in each that the books often lacked. The Ultimate Expression Of The Lack Of Fun was in the Death of Superman series, the panel where Doomsday first pounds Superman. Superman just stands there, completely assured that it won’t hurt him.

THEREIN lies the problem. It’s like a computer game where you have all the cheat codes. You know you’ll win. Sure, I knew by the none-too-subtle Death of Superman that he wasn’t GOING to win, but…but…but he’s Superman! He’s SUPER!   Of course, this particular time, he loses.  Death comes to Metropolis.   “But, you overtall mushroom head,” my dear readers will opine, “THAT was a BOOK!  You’re talking MOVIES!”

I know that.  It’s called a transition.

You can’t kill Superman.  In books.  In movies.  Video games.  Whatever.

Superman, the Movie, is one of my favorite memories.   My mom went to a Broadway show with either one or both of my sisters, I think it may have been Man of La Mancha.  Since I woulda been bored to tears, was the thinking, my Dad and I went to see Superman.  A trip to New York, with my whole family, and me and Dad in the movie theater.  With popcorn.

Now, fast forward a bunch of years.  Superman Returns comes out, and it ignores the third and fourth movies.  I’d watched them, and even though I thought initially Nuclear Man was kind of a cool concept, they didn’t have the emotional connection that the first did.  To my amazement, though, everywhere I go people were bitching and moaning about what That Evil Movie (which is a blog post for another time) Did To Our Childhoods.

Did.  To. OUR.  Childhoods.

Therein lies the problem with comic book movies.  Even when they’re really well done, say, the Second Raimi Spider-Man, the first two X-Men, the first Iron Man, who’d always been a personal favorite, there is a large portion of the populace familiar with the minutest detail of the property.


College.  I was in the C&O wing when, as was wont to happen, Trek Trivia came up.  Someone mentioned I knew a bunch, so Kwon, the peech imspedimented answer to Eddie Deezen, challenged me to a competition.  Warily and wearily, I obliged.  It was called in my favor when Kwon tried to get me to name a specific stardate when something happened and all those present  decided it had gotten too silly.   THAT is the kind of person I’m talking about.

There are still people decrying the changes between X-men the book and X-Men the movie(s).    Heck, there are people still complaining because John Hammond and Ian Malcolm survived Jurassic Park The Movie.  So, to avoid this, I would only write my own superhero movie.  People will die.  If the character is supposed to be a quasimythical figure, a la Batman, HE WON’T DRIVE A CAR or HAVE A SIGNAL.  “Look, the spirit of justice is coming to get us!  I just saw his car!”  Doesn’t work outside of a semilousy James Brolin flick.



~ by Sean on June 22, 2015.

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