Cortez Meets Montezuma, and Montezuma has Fleas


Thinking about aliens gets me into trouble.  Every time.  I never learn.

Think about when the Spanish met the Aztecs.  The Aztecs were tough.  The Aztecs had chips on their shoulders.  The Aztecs were gone in a week and a half(roughly) of meeting the Spanish and the first Taco Bell went up three days later. 

Now, as rich as Aztec culture was, the Spaniards were only a couple centuries ahead of them.  They had gunpowder.  They had horses.  They had more diseases than you could shake a test tube at.  The Aztecs didn’t have a burrito’s chance within 500 feet of me. 

Now, if Uncle Two Fingers and his friends from the planet Fuzzbop ARE coming here, the chances of them being interested all that much in us is fairly small, I’d say.  There’s a whole mess of life on this planet.  Maybe they want the secret of making Chicago deep dish. I doubt it.  We’re probably not the Aztecs in this case.  We’re probably the ones giving the Aztecs an itchy rash.  They haven’t landed on the White House lawn and said, “We come in peace, Elvis is dead, we don’t have him, get over it,” for the same reason that when we see an anthill or a beehive we don’t say “We come in peace, have some chocolate, and the annoying guys are having a picnic, go bug THEM.” 

Great.  Now I want to have a picnic with Chicago deep dish and some chocolate. 

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~ by Sean on March 14, 2008.

5 Responses to “Cortez Meets Montezuma, and Montezuma has Fleas”

  1. No, no, no…

    It’s us that gives the flu to them. I mean, I’ll grant you that the “Tom” version of War of the Worlds was painful to watch, but you must have been able to watch the classic version until the end. Or, barring that, you should have at least read the book.

  2. Read it? This week? No. Before? Which time? Throw in that I have both the Welles and Pre-Alien Voices radio plays on CD in my car, yeah. Actually, a few years back, I picked up a CDROM with all KINDS of classic SF books on it, intro’d by Nimoy and laid out like a spaceship. The Tom version–well, it was what it was. Slightly closer than Pal’s, but nearly as much fun/frightening, nor were there as many memorable sequences.

  3. Which pre-Alien Voices one? I have the one that scared the nation (with several extra features) and the one from the 70s that’s kind of a rock musical version. It’s got a great Moody Blues song on it. ~8?)

    The only H.G. that I have that Alien Voices did was The Time Machine, but I do have several other of their works. Which ones do you have stashed away?

  4. I’ve got the production DeLancie did in the late 90’s with Nimoy, Spiner, McFadden, Shimmerman, Wheaton, and other peoples at LA Theatre Works.

    I’ve got, in no particular order of relevance, First Men In The Moon, Lost World, Invisible Man, Time Machine, Journey To The Center Of The Earth, and both Spock VS. Q’s. I also have a really bad Dracula radio play, and equally bad Hound of the Baskervilles, a really good Hound of the Baskervilles, a bunch of other Holmes stuff, and more Trek audiobooks than I care to think about since the fact that I have them relegates me permanently as one of THOSE people.

  5. You’ve got Invisible Man. ~8?\ I must hate you. That’s the only one I didn’t get before they quit making them.

    Now all you need to add to your shelf is:

    http://www.deepdiscount.com/viewproduct.htm?productId=22534261

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